After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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