Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
