i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
