Plan B is the new Plan A
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's get the cat blown out
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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