I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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