Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I want her autograph on my taint
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
