Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
