not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
