those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
