just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
