After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
