you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
