Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
