i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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