She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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