it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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