I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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