they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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