i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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