I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
