Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
