I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
