the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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