Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
