my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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