come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
