i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
