some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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