apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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