Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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