There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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