At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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