there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
