New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
