I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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