Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
