NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
