I am puke
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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