Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
