Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
