I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
