I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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