ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
