Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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