I'm drive I can fine osifer
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
