Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
