I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
His nipple licking is glorious
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