His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
