Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry about my life...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
