this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
