Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
not ubering you a puppy
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
