I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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