i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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