Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't think brook has ever known best
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
