a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
