He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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