just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
