I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
