also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
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