"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
