You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
