dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
