I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
