Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
