I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh god it's open bar.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
