I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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