cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm at about main and main street
you had me at cake vodka
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
