oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
