You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
