margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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