Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
