Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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