My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize