Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
