You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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