I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
