yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
