On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
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obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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