That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
