what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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