Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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