wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
