i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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