no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
