who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
