i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
