Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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