I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Boobs speak an international language.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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