Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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