The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
